i am feeling really disorganized right now. i dont think it's the lack of sleep, though i was awakened this morning by some very LOUD acapella music my father was blasting from my sister's laptop. anyway i could "sleep back" after that.
last night we were at yh's house for christmas. which was nice. it's only my third landed property i've been to in singapore. small but nice piano(paco- never seen before too), very "guai" cat(judging from the way it walked), good food, great time and better company. i'm sorry, but let me reiterate that i shall by no means be pressured into writing in standard Queen's english in my blog. because i want to write it the way i feel. so i'm sorry if anyone disapproves.
sometimes i wish that time wouldnt pass so quickly. and it's a very moody character, time. it chooses it's moments to be fleeting and stalls when it feels like it. but alas it has no master. so we are all under it's prerogative.
i have been trying( in vain) to capture the christmas feeling this year and melt it down into a song. but i have been very very unsuccessful in the area of lyrics- i cant decide what i want to say. there's too many things to say to the audience but limited by the melody. and having my father home is helping with the recording. cos the place is more noisy with him around. and i get interrupted a lot more, to hear his opinions on a wide range of subject matter, from my life to my current job to my music. i feel really flustered when he's around. partly cos i cant get anything done, mostly because whatever he has to say is not going to make a difference to the situation, because he talks but who was responsible for it all that happened? i dont have to spell it out- heaven and earth know.
i went to malaysia at about 8pm for petrol(and to try to calm my racing heart.) saw this yellow piece of paper stuck at the petrol kiosk that restricted foreign vehicles from fuelling up more than 20litres of malaysian petrol before they exit the country; i was wondering how would they check. and why were they so dumb? we singaporeans go in to fill up petrol from them because we find our pumps (for the same brand and grade) more expensive than theirs. arent we giving them more business? money? why do they want to limit the amount of petrol we buy from them? am i so naive i'm not seeing the other point?
i find this year to be closing way faster than i can handle! i hope the last few days can be spent very meaningfully, with my friends.
the ride earlier calmed me a little, but my heart's working up again. you know it's the same feeling as when ur writing a song, or u see a certain someone smile. or u see a double rainbow first thing in the morning once u wake up and leave ur tentage to make for breakfast, though u know it's gonna be another long day in australia. drinking doesnt make you calm, though it makes you ponder, long and deep. sometimes u ponder until u lose track of your thoughts. in any case pondering is really bad beacuse sometimes it gets u nothing done.
just realised that i'm on duty for hof on the 1st of jan. that's a friday, and a public holiday. what a coincidence. couldnt there be like, a break because it's bew year's day? haha
feeling calmer now. i was intending to type until i was calm enough to sleep. from not so calm to more calm, i've actually lost some of wht i'd wanted to say. real lousy.
i wrote a diary for when i was in australia. it helped me contain some of my most private thoughts that i had. i think i want to do that for 2010. couple of song ideas are in there too. i noticed that i can come up with tunes based on only single words. i have the chorus to one song titled: alone, from my stint there. it's not about me alone. it was about this tree that i saw, standing against the evening sun. with no companions(peers) about it. it was just the grass. and the mountain range in the distance. and it was all alone. and almost the instant my mind uttered that word, i had the tune for the chorus. all these songs will probably go into what i call my back catalogue. to be kept and buried. i've even forgotten the earlier ideas from a few years back. if i can forget them means they're probably not good enough.
i really admire songwriters. they have this ability to transcend the area of awareness of everyone else to create that song. i'm nowhere near. come to think of it, i'm nowhere near anything at all. music- half-past six. no grades. only can "bluff" when i play. voice-awful. education-lagging behind. eloquence- pitiful. i only write well to myself and think and "voiceover" fluently in my own mind to myself. somehow it always gets lost in the transmission to whoever. i really really want to set all this right. but how?
i thought u played very well. i've never hear u play before, and i was pleasantly surprised! i hear ur run over mozart's sonata=) i think piano players should learn to move away from static and boring chord playing. i'm sorry. i love runs. wild runs that let me see and feel more accurately what the composer is seeing and feeling. as such i love chopin and liszt. they run alot. and their chords are lovely too. i like cadenzas and adlibs. but i havent played them for so long. i havent played the piano properly(believe it or not) for 3 years. i have not done scales for the same amount of time. i'm still getting away with what i have left in my 2 hands but that's gonna go soon if i dont get back to the basics. i have to make time to go back to the piano. and become closer friends with the guitar.
i have so many things i'd like to do. i seriously hope to get that song done soon. and another song that will be guitar led, for a smaller audience. david has not let me hear his idea yet. we dont write songs together( just for the record), but he's been telling me about it since i was in australia. i'll bet it's probably a good idea too.
when feelings get the better of you a song will inevitably be born.
feel like i can sleep now. haha
thanks blog.
church and practice tmr. work on monday. back to business.