what we say

because

joel
motorcycles. cars. lights. sounds. music. red. quiet."

because

because

my life today~...

i wake up in the morning to the sound of my handphone alarm..

ringtone is called "siren"

cos thats smth that can wake me up...

sometimes i jus shut it up and go to sleep again..

then i have set a secondary alarm that goes "siren" so i wake up 5 mins later.

all of a sudden i find myself easily tired and lacking sleep.

this was not me years ago when i woke easily by 6am.

so i wake at 645am

eat some breakfast.

another change in habits..

i find myself hating breakfast too.

last time i ate a good breakfast.

now i just stare at the food.

i bathe and get ready for work.

turn on my mp3.

volume 20

i like it loud.

noise-ISOLATION earphones.

i like it pure.

i value sound.

quality.

bass.treble.

this will be the 3rd year jay chou starts my morning.

he rules my senses.

i get on my bike

ride to the station to catch the train.

i barely make it.

run up the escalator cos ive got to get to the platform by 7.26am

thats when my train comes.

if i miss this train the next train always comes in 6 mins.

if i take the 7.32 train, i'll miss the 7.38 bus.

the bus from sembawang mrt to my workplace.

so i always find myself in a mad sprint for the 7.26 train.

i always find my lungs burning.

by the time i reach the platform.

it wasnt like this 1 and a half years ago.

blood pounding up to my head.

it wasnt like this 1 and a half years ago.

i catch my breath in the train.

get off 7.33

walk to the bus stop.

(cant reveal my workplace.

cos ppl will track..

it happened b4..

ask yawen for details.lol)

walk down the field to the 856 bus stop.

i walk along a muddy mud/gravel/sandy trail

that is a result of plenty of erosion by ppl

like me

hu use this shortcut to get to the bus stop.

somedays, the bus is early.

and im running again..because

i dont want to get booked.

i got booked once for being late.

it really makes my day.

so i decided that my days do not need to be made anymore.

and so i go through my work.

i dun mind the job.

-------------------------

so its time for lunch.

sometimes ppl fetch me out for lunch..

sometimes i eat canteen food.

sometimes i just eat bread and sleep the remaining time away.

i duno y im so tired.

-------------------------

time to go home.

time to clean house.

time for dinner.

tv.etc.sleep.

-------------------------

rough summary of my life on weekdays.

this fri will be d-day.

oh man

and ppl still think joel's gonna pull off a miracle.

wahahaha

i feel so down man.

the 7 pointer has FALLEN!!!

old frens still say..aiya u sure can la

waiting for those "what happened to u joel?"

and whelan's "told u u were complacent"

i duno wad happened to me larrrh.

wait till friday 2.30 lor

u see i still can or not.

im in such a mess...

.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

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haha
newly discovered acronym for a B.I.T.C.H.~~
its
a Beautiful Individual That Causes Hardons.
LOL

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an update on cny~

went to grandparents(mother side) place on new year's eve..
hmm
less awkward..
but still too awkward..
its supposed to be a family...
even after everything else.
so...
maybe next time.

sun.. a boring day..
special case as it has been for so long...

HIGHLIGHT of my CNY
monday
went to GOOD VIBRATIONS 07
Gooooodd vvvvvIBrationNsSS
with andrew ricky and co.
vip tix\
started off raining..
but we had shelter..
haha cos of the vip tix and tag
aniwae
some good bands~bushmen..wicked aura battacuda
of course..
there was the local heroes ELECTRICO and SAW LOSER( former pug jelly i think)

ursula 1000...
and the stars ~ the beastie boys

first time drank vodka redbull and vodka orange..
now i can appreciate loud bass and beats.
right to ur boness
deep through ur bones...
and the lights follow after..
and the lights follow through..
and you get lost in the moment
and you get lost in the whir
of the beauty of it all.

of course no pix to post
cos no private com..

motored was a sponser..
saw the motored phones..
but i dun really like a red phone.
hahaa

electrico are TOURING the US??
haha
cool

i want to be up on that stage someday..
hahaha
howwww??
.................................
yesterday..
another fun day
went colleague's hse..
bai nian
haha
another first for me..
RED WINE!!!

3 gLASSES ONLY
haha
still ask me to drink more
later i cannot go home
haha
face red
wa
some ppl can drink wine like water de leh
haa
5 6 7cups..all fUll!!!
i also wanna TRAIN!!
wine is nicer than BEER
haha
though i have no probs with the taste of beer too...
so played blackjack..
din get to practise playin mahjong cos 2 tables were running full steam
i wan train mahjong too!
i jus learn last yr..

ya..

and watched tv too..
i want to know..
who was the singer on tuesday channel U at about 1+pm right b4 2MORO came on stage?
i like his SONGS..
can ani1 tell me?
i like.

and i realised something..
really pathetic abt me..
other than my stupid face and declining intelligence..
my shoulders are really small!!
unlike those ppl i saw at my colleague's place..
wa
all shoulders super dua
broad..
oh man..

fill in the blank with whatever word that comes into ur minds..
many words fit.
im like super _____
like short..lousy..pathetic..
zzzz
very tired today..
so much alcohol in 2 days...
wana slp.

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happy cny everybody!!
~xin nian kuai le~

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You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

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ARRGGH
how come im feeling irritated, frustrated, sian, bo chap, blur and irritated all at once??
whats happening to me????!!!
and farked up also.

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from xin jing cha gu shi(new police story~jackie chan)
~why dont u throw them away?
\why should i?
\you cant throw away the memory..
~i know u wont forgive me.
\thats only what u think.
\im a nurse, and all the time im wondering......
if there is a cure for missing someone..
what do u think?
~there is.
~its to see the someone u miss.
\ what if u dont?
\ in time it becomes..
\ a memory.
~ i understand...

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erm..
happy valentines day evr1..
(my shortest entry so far.)

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initial d anime is nice to watch.
i want to learn how to drive like them.
super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.super sian.

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documenting some thoughts...\\

my favourite song for coming to 2 years running is still:
"outside castle" by HOT from their fifth album.
its the opening track.

song for a lady is also good..
but somehow my favourite of all time..of all the music i've heard until now..18+..is ~outside castle.

i cant explain why.

i cant really name my second favourite song..
because i havent really thought much abt it..
sometimes its whether u realise it or not.
realise
....................................
i think im managing..
smothering the feeling day by day..snuffing it out..
sometimes only a dull resonance of what i used to feel remains.
but thats containable.
....................................
i also believe i have the answer to my apparent lack of creativity.
i have not been allowing feelings to flow between my brain and my heart.
no song can be written with that vital pathway blocked.
it doesnt only apply to love songs..
every song will fail to materialise if u cant translate ur true feelings into notes and sounds...

i believe thats the problem im facing.
i believe this is the answer.

may be involved in some music and songwriting for church..
vic intro me to the pastor..
it'll be a good chance to try to translate again..
after so long.
i still havent given up on my aim to be a songwriter/singer
and my dream to write songs for ppl..frens etc.
and to gain the ability and skill to write anything i want..as long as i wish to do so.
~like writing an essay/narrative.

i havent given up on anything.

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this is weird.
ive never felt so many feelings before.
andd all at once...
andd i dont know whyy too...
i feel like i dont know myself.
suddenly.
i shd be careful.

~ive been wondering...brain axon-> intermediate neurone-> heart axon?
does it work this way?
whats the stimulus, effector and how does the output work?
how does this whole mess work out?
science is pretty dumb aniwae..
so am i.
always.

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laz week i went to hcjc for an audition
if ur song is selected, it will be recorded free of charge into a cd
cd will contain those ppl/bands selected songs..
and it will be sold to raise funds for charity.
please let me be selected..
~pray~

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hmm
went sentosa yesterdae with cher hm vic and peng..
later hm bf came along too..
played frisbee, soccer, volleyball..
on the beach..
cafe del moar
in place of the old sunset bay
i kinda prefer the old sunset bay tho
cos got the kayaks....
and..
ppl dun act so cool.

i dunno
the place kinda looked a little too sophisticated for the usual beach??
hmmm
thats my opinion
but i think the sound systems great
great bass even tho in open area

pros and cons
prob good place for some dance and party at nite
haha
then we even went into the super cold sea water to soak
theory abt passing ships and baby tsunamis
bridal shoot
red thong
nice not so hot weather
overall a nice day nice event and very tired cos super lack of fitness.

gotta do sth to get my stamina back
funny.
thigh cramp jus b4 abt to slp back at home.
1st time in my life.
haha
my body must be giving way..

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ok
this is stupid~
i wonder y the ppl at my workplace are asking me if im with anyone or not.
one person ask ok la
tan(an old man who i go home with daily cos he lives near me) asked me.
of course i said no.
so he said..arr..bu yong ji ah..cai shi ba shijiu sui..hai you hen duoo shi jian arr...
ookaye
i where got hurry aniwae.

then a few days later..
another colleague ask me the sAmE QN.!
at this point of time i still dun really mind.
cos this person very reasonable..
teach me a lot of work related stuff..

abt a week later
another person beside me ask the same qn.
ZZZzzzzz
u no ears meh

plus he ask if my online frens guys more or gals more
of course i say does it matter?
he prompt again
"guys more lo"
"u really useless..nan you bu zhong yao de.. nu you cai zhong yao.."
"but for me i think nan nu both zhong yao leh"
"nan you na me duo gan shen mo..ni you duo bi jiao zhong yao.."
and so on and so on and so on.

kla
u wan how many gf u go have lor
dun nid tell me how many girls i shd talk to online ritezzz
pls lo
if u noe my hse no com since i was born until now u wont sae also
reason being no com how to build up until so hiong till wadeva standard u have in mind?
no com how to friendster etc...
how ppl noe to add u.
crazy ar u.
so irritating.
i think both guys and girls as frens are impt.
i seriously dun care if u had hordes of cheerleaders tailing u everywhere u go..
i like quiet
i like to a few close reliable frens..not a horde.
ive never been in a clique or a group..cos i neva found it necessary.
the ratio of guy contacts to gal contacts i have is greater than one.
so what?
really spoil my day.

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I'm not listening.

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