i will never forget the feeling of the weak.
i will never forget the feeling of the lonely.
i will never forget the feeling of the forsaken.
i will never forget the feeling of despair.
i will never despise those in need of help, no matter how trivial.
i will never turn anyone down, no matter what they want from me.
i will never judge anyone. i am a sinner.
i will remember where i came from.
i will always provide help to anyone who needs it, as long as it is in my capacity, even if it isnt, i will direct the needy to one who will help them.
i will never scorn another.
i will never resort to abuse to attain what i deem right.
i will never impose on another.
i will never forget the feeling of shame.
i will help those who have been shamed.
i will befriend the lonely.
i will aid the weak.
i will encourage the forsaken.
i will share hope with those in despair.i
i will never forget that i am one with no moral principles/conscience.
therefore i will never attempt to assert my righteousness.
i must remember that if i ever hold a respectable position some day, some time, in this amorphus world, in this great expanse of uncertainty, i carry the expectations hopes fears opinions regard respect integrity honour of all these people.
i will never practise politics.
i will never resort to forced democracy.
i must remember that i am evil.
i must remember that i am a hypocrite.
i must remember that i am a liar.
i must remember that i am a bastard.
and i must always remember that his name is joel.

my horoscope says that i should just leave any emotional baggage from last year behind
and move on this year
(why are all horoscopes..same star some more..DIFFERENT???i dont know which to believe!)

y.o.u.y.u.

the chinese language has never meant more to me than now..
i just wish i could turn back the years
and start again in pri sch
learning chinese....

i cant explain what i mean

cuz that would lead to what i feel

and fom there
things will get complicated

messy

tangled up

i need to breakaway for my sake
it sounds wrong
i need to breakaway for my sake
i know it is not right
its left..
true left..
i dont talk in greek
its all so easy to understand what im talking abt
one just needs to take the time to read and understand...................
----------------------------------------------------------------------
__________________________________________________
----------------------------------------------------------------------

last day of work todae
may miss ompany of some of my frens
super slackers lor they

thrilling

even wanted watch movie

haa

right in the middle
of our job

adapting the style of narration used by jasper:-


es: sian leh..talk cock la..so boring
jw:wan go eat again?..can slack..
(this like our 3rd meal from lunch la)
es:dun wan la.. we go watch movie better..i wan see the new jet li show..huo zhe Narnia..zou leh..wo hai mei kan Narnia..
lmy: wa ni men zhen de shi...(shakes head)
es:(drawls) zuo mo?..pa na ge tu tou de lai zhao wo men ah?
pa shen mo..zou la..zui duo wo gen ta shou wo shi agency de ren..bu shi ta de ma...

(incredulous looks all around)

outcome:_________


lol

luckily tat day everything went smoothly..
amazing
luck
i wish i have more of that luck..
could sure use some...



nothing more to say.
sometimes its best not to say anything when one has nothing to say...
i should know...
TIRED.
NITE.
SEE YOU TMR IN THIS SAME WORLD.

---------------------taste of failure.----------------------
.leave me be.
to break the news
our hearts have sinews

yea..u dun wanna see juz sum egs right?
specific egs huh
its 4 our own benefit ya..
uh-huh
yea yea
uh huh yaya
yoyo
yah
wah
siao
kbkb
knnbcjb
knnm
cant be more explicit
or i may be the target of whistle-blowers..
_________________________________

i guess i'll haf to learn ta accept that somethings shd be left the way they are
________________________________________________________

im not faking in math class
in case anyone thinks im puttin on a show, think again
my math is really damn lousy
i have the lousiest brain for math
dun believe ask those hu noe me in sec sch
ask dem whether my a math sec 3 ever pass

its only in sec4 i seek extra help from another teacher in my sec sch tat i managed to improve
i really am a stupid asshole idiot brainless peabrained tweety when it comes to math..
my brain just goes
NUMB
yea
NUMB

im serious

in exams esp
durin e math paper sometimes my brain goes numb
i lose all chain of thought
and there goes the rest of the lovely day.
i am really SLOW
when it comes to math..

blue 10%
in case u need a ref from our emergenetics profile

damn tired

jus finished work

shd be gettin a decent commission

sold off nearly 500 cartons of drink..
haa
quite happy with my feat
..
but skool next day is a totally diff story..

tmr die

got pe
then still muz work

sure dog-tired...

how to run properly?

i want to be as fit as yanzi and tommy chen leh

they singing chattin while runnin 4k in under 18 mins..


haizz

when can i reach tat level?

no motivation like calvin huimin alvin cecilia mornin go run leh

and i dun feel endorphins

guess my body dont produce them..

i am SOOOOO tired after pe

ya

i am a weakling i noe.......
TIRED

still muz do gp!!!
im a weakling i noe.........
afraid of failure
rejection

ictutatilu

i love my tablet
i love my tablet
i do
i do
till this year do us part
___________________

my second time makin a new yr resolution..
muz learn to keep such things..
important
character i guess
dunno
anyway
here goes:(in order of importance to me)

get min2Aa for a lvl
write songs that will become popular
learn to maintain eye-contact with some people..
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
perform at least once this yr
write a duet(like shan hu hai)
perform the duet
be more hardworking
do my homework
be more motivated
improve in n chem and math
make sure i have enough money
find a good paying job at end of yr
buy rollerblades
buy new acoustic guitar with plug-in
buy my own keyboard synthesizer
buy a com
sign up for internet connection
buy a recording equipment
improve in standing broad jump
become fitter than tommy chen
improve in my swimming
improve in my running
out on 6 kgs
do 25 chinups
learn to play pool
learn bowling
buy a semi-pro level bicycle
take class2 license(motorcycle!!)
buy a motorbike
...
thats all i can think of now..
of course i wont be able to keep it..
but these are my hopes..
although i now noe that it is tragic to hope..
because hope can be denied...
(DSB???)

promoting is tough work
9 hours
10 hours

but the pay is good
and e job is super slack

so i guess i shd jus hang on...

think of what i can buy when i get my pay..
motivation to stay on the job...

went to eat with e tiger guy and e carlsburg guy
causeway
both from ite..
goin army in march
nice ppl they..

teach me to slack
on the job..
jia zua
(eat snake)
supposed to be a delicacy in thailand..
right?

haven study for nx wk tests yet man
sure die AGAIN


tired...
v tired
nite to all..
wxzzyn dsrggsnnsfhxxw hxzhyybspyl?

working these few days
after sch
till cny
damn tired
but fun la
and the work is easy
:promoter for marigold
5./day
5.5/sat
10./sun
...
not bad huh

thought so

but tat means no time do hw
nvm
as long as i haf enuf money to tide me over this yr
haha
im as close to independence as i can get..
only depend on parents support of
40./mth
haha

they dun wan give more,
ill make sure i dun nid ta depend on them.
i haf my pride.

next yr i might stop taking from them totally
cuz ill be workin even more..
ill support myself..
thank you for bringing me up..
i need to get away from all the murkiness that remains

think i haf been a bastard?
too bad

i dun really nid u
prepared to fight for myself
i dun really care wad else u might try to cook up..
or anything else u may wan to do
be it a false reconciliation
or anything


dun worry
i will maintain u
i haf my pride
and honour
my word..

--------------------------------------------------------
work today was cool
met several diff promoters lyk me
pepsi(e pepsi girl...ok la.. ..mosta e guys vying for precious talktime)
coca-cola
yeos
tiger
carlsburg
lukam
u name it
NTUC has it..
lol

some older than me
a lot younger than me
o lvls
waitin fer results..
the othrs..
waitin fer army..

wow

got ppl to talk to la

gain lots of new experience..
esp from the guy hu jus finish NS..
oh.
and he says that thetre are NO GHOSTS inside..

YUPxx

no GHOSTS

but he says there r weird noises of ppl cryin

anyway

who is scared o sth that cant even respire?
i mean
lets take this logically

since
ghosts dont respire
they dun haf energy
no mitochondria n wad haf u..right?
so how can they move?
perhaps if there is a gust of wind

then that may juz bring them flyin ta u..
heheh
right?

anyway whos scared of ghosts?
im not
i say for certain
though i haf nva seen one
hope i get a chance to see one..
lets see wad it can do to me..
lol

matter vs non-matter..

any way
i haf my faith to "protect me"
and the faCT THAT IM BORN on the chinese calendar date of
"qi ye shi wu"
july 15
lol
im supposed to be a ghost..
too
so they prob wont even come to attack me..
lolz


will be workin till cny eve

after cny muz add oil liao sia

a lvl tis yr

but

still cant muster myself
and my energy
and willpower

oh..
and my
hEAr+...

too distracted...

thinkin of the time machine..

want to use it to go bak to e beginning...




of last yr...




so many things i want to change



to do right...





hai





haixxx...




....




......




.
...
......



- silent sigh-

slppy
exhausted
gdnite
evry1

|wxzyr,dsxxtyybhzdd..yxybhxx......|

I have a new band consisting of J1's !! musicians ' ClUb !!
have to begin preparing for valentine's Day Concert sia.. Should be doing
Savage Garden's I Knew I loved u ..
Cant wait to start practicing with them...


cant wait...
so many things to work out..
wont be easy...
but shd
be..fun..

today was just too much

1st

musicians club teacher accused me of copying

jay chou's music
a portion
into my song

!!!

what a slanderous statement!

since when am i a copycat?

i am so pissed with u...

i will nva forget that u accused me of such a deed..

because i AM NOT A FRAUD!!!


when i make it..if i ever make it i will remember to hold u to what u said.
(if anyone has any comments abt my music
be it nasty or nice
i want to hear them..
i want to improve
i want to write music that people want to listen to..
not some trash that only a select grp of ppl noe how to appreciate..
especially comments that my songs sound similar to other artistes..
cuz i may not noe..
and in that case i will make amendments.
thank you all.)
but dont attempt to
without even listening, attempt to attest that my song sounds like jay chou's { 涓����棣�}'s chorus??
are u crazy?

its NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!

right?
anyone who has heard my first song...

real pissed

fucking pissed
and dont do that in front of other teachers for support, asking them e name of the song for instance.
if it is truly similar, let me noe.
the part
the evidence
quietly
and not try to damage my credibility in front of anyone else.

thanks.
i appreciate comments..
and keep them coming..
hard and fast.
dont let my outburst today deter anyone from telling me that my song sounds similar to any other.
even the slightest noticeable resemblance
in any instance
i want to noe

cuz i am original
i want to be original
i have my pride
i dont want to be labelled a copycat


C A S E C L O S E D
--------------------------------------------------

i tink the little pink auntie
from ns1
should not be so arrogant.

given that she seemed to be having a sore throat today
i will not say anything more.

i still seem to be in this irritable mood...

feeling irritable today
the whole day
dunno wads wrong
muz be the sun
too bright and cheery for me

right?

wrong

why am i answering my own qn?

and what is wrong with my tagbox?

why haf i not been able to see it?

WHY IS THERE AN ERROR MESSAGE IN THAT LITTLE DASTARDLY SPACE???

can someone please..
please tell this little poor computer idiot what is wrong??



i shd jus shut up since ive got nth nice to say..
been thinking a lot today

abt

abt..

something..

thats not going away

and that im not sure if should go away

?!!!!??????!!!!????

-------words are a curse to humanity...d.i.s.c.u.s.s.------------

words make or break..everything..
and truly fluent speech is the hardest thing to master...
ponder over it.

found today to be quite a lucky day
4me


released my song to some of our class ppl

hahah

later no face to see anyone on monday

embarrassing seh


my stupid attempt


lol

(cringe)

when i listen to it i kinda wince


haa


damn


my teacher says i jus cant sing

shd get sum1 to sing for me
nx time

hai


but i want to sing and write my own songs


(too much pride)?
maybe

but

since its my song i shd present it right?

hmmm



maybe i'll get someone to sing the next song
try

see if its betta

maybe i jus nid to sing more


practise


i dun believe i cant sing la
(want to release an album)
dreaming...



_________________________________

enjoying my tablet a lot

now i can go online at home

so useful

haha


i dun want nx yr to come so soon...
then ill be UNconnected again...

that means a lot

a lot

to me...

i dun noe why

or maybe i do...

quite a depressing day today actually..
but today i haf messenger
msn messenger

i dunno why.. but i guess it makes me feel a little better

probably goin to indulge in some games like age of empire
etc

might as well

as i have this tablet

danger of getting addicted

thought today's debate was rather knobby
disjointed

the arguments i mean

but i suppose its ok

but why did the teacher say that bringing in the U.S as an example was not relevant??


it is wad

they fulfil the 2 criteria:
they were hit by a natural disaster
and
they are in debt
in fact
the world's biggest debtors are they..

well i suppose the reason why they are the superpower is due to the amt of gold they have

fort knox..
etc

i think that no one shd resent them being powerful

felt some resentment over here today..

its not that they became wad they are today at others' expense right?


maybe i just dont understand wad clif was trying to get at
or am reading too much into it..






wtf
nothing helps.
cant shake this feeling



feeling downright blue

now that i haf a tablet
at least i can tap on some wireless at my home..
but i have to sit super near the window or there is no signal...
upload speeds are even slower..
but who am i to complain?
at least i can blog more regularly now..

right?

seem to have lost all my motivation to study after that long o lvl break..
read in the papers that from 2009 onwards results for o's will be released earlier
skool starts by jan
yr end hols start earlier

which from where i am now sounds pretty reasonable..

at least those students wont reach my level of demise

its tragic

not being able to catchup

not being able to muster myself to focus on my studies

how can i get distracted like this?

this is not the time to be distracted....
a lvl this yr seh!!

haiz..

damn dumb


tmr pe

cant run for nuts now..
all that working has made me weak...


i feel as though my lungs have become a lot smaller

as if i cant get enough air

to breathe..
so fast lungs burning

i cant even recall the last time i experienced that sensation...

growing ooolllddd..
OLD!!!



heavy chains and heavy heart...

an old man needs his sleep..
tc and goodnight to all

handed in my song today
my 1st attempt
my 1st demo
my 1st hope at becoming a song writer/singer

results announced by mid feb

cant wait lor

i hope that i stand a chance

of course as always

one should never hope for the impossible

who knows this better than i?

therefore i have the right to say so

a recording contract is at stake!!!

not so much my ego...
but i love music so much that i feel i have to seize every chane i have
against all constraint
like school(cant use the recording equipment everytime)
schedule(on average i require several hours ~7 to make sure it turns out right..cuz im so an amateur at this)
family(wont elaborate for safety reasons)
my lunch(haha)
and the list goes on


made a new friend today..nus
oso in this competition...

if i dont win i still want to get top3...
top 3 got cash i think...




musicians club will be producing a commemorative album soon!!!

anyone interested?
askin the teacher if my songs can be used...
i have a feeling that the rest of the bands will not be given the same privileges as OVERGATE
aka edwin's band
yup
the soccer player
singer(with the cowboy voice)

no im not jealous

its just that over the course of last yr ive not failed to notice the shortage of other bands performing at various occasions..
KEPT seeing edwin sing with his band..

i hope that changes this yr..
i want to perform too..

which brings me to e subject:

there will be a concert to celebrate this yr's Valentine's Day!!
should i be enthusiastic or what?
like ive got someone to bring...
tentative date 19 feb
venue lt1
time night
from mr ng it promises to be a cosy romantic affair

with nice songs...
all the bands shd be performing

i hope my band finally decides to stop performing those heavy metal songs
dont they realise by now thats not the kinda music girls listen to?
(reminds me of franz ferdinand's mission: to write music for girls to dance to...)
anyway

if they choose to perform that kinda music i might just decide to form a breakaway band..
with 2or 3 others who currently do not belong to any band..
(even though they may still be learning how to play the instruments)
but..
not very feasible too lor...
dumb man
DUMB


think ive been exceptionally vocal tonight..
i need a glass of water..

nitezz

when something is not meant to be, accept it...
accept it as ur good luck
h...
irlulduert!??!??!
push the button

i want to be a singer songwriter..i noe i can..
i will try hard
do my best..
there is so much that i have to write about..
i want to eventually own my own recording company
my own studio
my own label
be a producer like jay-z
write lovely songs like jay
write songs that travel straight to the heart
like those korean songs
(write korean songs?they sound so nice..makes me want to go learn the language so that i can put the words to my music..lol..dreaming too far ba)
and sing them..
my 1st single is ready..
everything done by me

drums
piano
bass guitar
arranged,produced,recorded in innova sttudios by me
lyrics by me too..


i'll haf to work hard too
i want to have a home recording studio..
need several thousand...
but what is that compared to what ill be able to do with it?

go solo

cant wait for ij to buy the piano for the hall

will want to perform my songs on it

need to recruit a bassist and a drummer..
and ill be good to go..

tired of edwin dominating all the performances everytime with his cowboyish voice...

haha..

2006

skool

people

faces

work

homework

problems

hopes

futile hopes

filthy hopes

f****** hopes

i gotta do sth to get myself out of this mess

cuz its nva nva going to happen...

on its own,in the future,back to the past...